I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
