I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
