oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
