He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
