after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
