I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
