I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
