I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
