i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize