he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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