About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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