don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
