You smell like stripper and shame
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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