moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
