we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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