If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
