she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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