yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Houston, we have a blender
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
