Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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