mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
