just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
