I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
