Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
