Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your penis caused this!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
