allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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