She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
