I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were trust falling into bushes
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