I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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