Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize