I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
