Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
