That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
