everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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