david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
