I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
