i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
