Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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