you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
