i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize