he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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