can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
