i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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