A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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