Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
