and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
