so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
