Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize