You're completely useless in the revolution.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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