I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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