Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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