u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
