Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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