when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
