I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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