Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
