I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
