You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
