It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
