Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize