I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
