FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
