I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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