if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am spending my child support on dildos
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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