i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
its liver damage thursday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
