remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
