That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
