Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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