What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I enjoy the company of your penis
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize