You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
