i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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