You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
