i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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