i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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